Breathless By: Dean Koontz

In Middle School and High School, I had this awesome friend, Katie.
Katie was OBSESSED with Dean Koontz (probably still is) and would go on long ass rants about how great he and his novels were and I was always so intrigued, as its the only thing she was SO passionate about.
So, I now have found 4 (on sale) Koontz novels, and chose Breathless, as my first, only because it was a gift and came in the mail. (I feel like it would be insulting not to).
I made the wrong call, or at least I hope.
What a dysfunctional story line. I mean, I get that the author was splitting up the novel by point of view, all the story lines connected at the end, but it was so haphazard.
One chapter you have this crazy dude who just murdered his twin brother and his wife (or did he? I don't even understand what he did there), next: an older doctor is chaos theory, who loves to gamble, a super tall homeless guy who had some sort of vision and is wandering across the land towards some unspecified destination (it later is identified), The vet, Cammy, and Grady who discovered these super interesting and altogether fascinating creatures whom they called Puzzle and riddle.
I'm probably even forgetting a whole story line at the moment....
But, he doesn't write long chapters you know, which is the way these types of novels work. Take Stephen king for example: Under the dome written in the same style but when its slower, or he is building tension, he will stretch out the chapters so you can really get to know them. When its the climax, action scene, or whatever, that is when he will do the 5 page chapters. (but his writing tends to be smaller as well).
Mr. Koontz, he had 5 page chapters with like sixe 14 writing. (which is an exaggeration). It was so rushed and disjointed that even when some tension was presented, the situation flipped perspectives so often that it didn't build like it should have.
Then come along Puzzle and Riddle who I picture as a white version of a really sleek and gangly orangutan, with human hands and feet and a cat nose. But I think I'm way off. They are these adorable creatures who get acquainted with Grady and his dog Merlin. They wind up talking and doing all sorts of harmless things, and then in the last chapter, there are like a bunch of them! They all just showed up out of the blue... and that was that.
I really felt this book had no ending. He just got tired of writing and didn't know what to do next ha ha. Though, it really wasn't awful, but the only reason I would ever read this again, is to figure out what the hell went down in the last 5-10 pages. Everything just hit the fan, but in like 7 different lines of thought. It was absurd really.
Its a dangerous thing when you pick up a book by an unknown author. 

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter By: Seth Grahame-Smith

Why does nobody else enjoy this book????
I mean, have you not READ it?!?
Perhaps it is because I absolutely adore historical fiction (though I HARDLY think this qualifies) and thought it was a tad too serious, and therefore found it hilarious, but I thoroughly loved this book.
Way back when this came out, it seemed to be EVERYWHERE all the time, but I never once saw anyone read it, or even say that they read it (But everyone saw the movie... our culture is failing). So when I picked it up at a thrift store for 75 cents, and started reading it, I was shocked at all the negative comments I got. It seemed everyone had something to say about my book. Most were "...You're reading THAT??" *insert raised eye brow and sneer*, or simply just a tight lipped smile and the slow nod. Which seriously, how can someone WHO IS NOT EVEN READING A BOOK, be a total book snob?? ESPECIALLY, when the book you are so negatively judging, YOU NEVER READ! Ugh. I hate book snobs!
SO! Abe Lincoln describes (through his long lost journals of course) his life and his battle against vampires, and how they stole his mother away from him, and later on a love, and quite a few friends, and of course eventually, he was killed by one.
Simply put: It's an adventure story made for 13 year old boys. Lots of action, deception, war mongering, actual war, death, and rage.
The only thing I really found irritating was that Abe is all running around killing Vampires with his axe. Like, chest wounds. If you know anything at all, vampires have to be decapitated. Get your shit straight.
I found it so comical that according to the author, the civil war was because of vampires killing slaves freely, and how CONVINCING he was of it. I really was sitting there reminding myself that no, vampires were not involved in the civil war.. this is fiction....
I already have added his other books onto my (53) page to-read-list, and genuinely look forward to watching this dumb movie. Just because the book is always better, and I can laugh openly at its failure.

Nothing Lasts Forever By: Sidney Sheldon

Sidney Sheldon.... I truly love you. I DO! only..... the last 2 books I have read by him have been.... Decent.
Usually I pick up a Sheldon Book, and I am done within 12 hours because it just CAPTURES YOU. Most (if not all) of his books feature a strong female lead, usually in some sort of position of power. Usually the main character is oozing confidence, brilliance, drive, and spunk; along with a fast moving plot, and some serious scandal, Sidney Sheldon is definitely on my Top 10 Favorite lists.
Then I read The Doomsday Conspiracy, and i'm sorry, but what a joke.
Then this book, which warranted its nto BAD in any way, it is definitely not up to his exceptionally high standards.
The story follows 3 women doctors in San Francisco, all surgeons, and all yearning for success while proving themselves in a male dominated field. Blah blah blah. The story line jumps around a bit and there is a trial and Dr. Taylor, the main chick, is accused of murdering a patient (which she did) but only because he asked.
Dr. Taft, don't even get me started on her..... What a bimbo. I know girls like this, and they give women a bad name. You know... the ones who use their looks and seduction to sleep their way through life. Not even in a cute way! In a WHORE way. I don't even recall anything remotely likeable about her.
Dr. Turner, is a pistol. She is the black female doctor among all the white doctors and is consistently proving herself and busting her ass. She had wit, intelligence, a story line that was really really excellent and developed (well except that mobster person, I don't see how that fit in..) UNTILL she goes and falls in love with Douche-y McDoucherson. Then she slowly becomes this needy sad thing, which is super pathetic, and it makes you wonder what Mr. Sheldon is trying to say....
I just did not enjoy this book. I didn't think it was bad, or a waste of my time, but chances are I will not pick this up again, and most definitely will keep it on my shelf (well stack) to collect dust. If it weren't for the fact that I am trying really hard to collect the complete works of the authors I LOVE, I would trade it in.
I just don't understand why these women were portrayed so INCOMPLETELY. They all had their moments of connection with the reader, their own story lines, a successful career, motivation, but they were all just blasé... They all needed like one more characteristic, or a more defined personality.
Heck, just read it, and tell me I'm wrong.

Sybil by: Flora Rheta Schreiber

How do I even begin to describe the eloquence of this novel (though I just looked it up and it is actually a biography, my bad).
Meet Sybil.
Sybil suffers from multiple personality disorder (now referred to as dissociative identity disorder) and is in actuality 16 different people sharing one body.
At the beginning of the book, Sybil is unaware of her condition and experiences semi-frequent boughts of amnesia, nervousness, and the inability to function on a daily basis. She would be in her apartment one moment, and the next she could be in another state. It could be hours, days, weeks, even years later, with absolutely no recollection of how she got there, what had happened, and how much time had passed.
Through eleven painstaking years of psychoanalysis, drug and hypnotherapy, Sybil learns to accept her condition and gradually Dr. Wilbur and herself, piece herself back together. Literally.
Slowly she meets her other personalities, each with their own tastes, desires, and distinct personalities and even ages. They include: Sybil (the waking self), Vicky, Marcia, Vanessa, Mary, Helen, Clara, Sybil Ann, The Blonde, Peggy Ann, Peggy Lou, Mike, Sid, Nancy Lou Ann, Marjorie and Ruthie.
As the reader, meeting each person in turn, you find yourself liking some more than others and learning to understand how each personality protects and enables Sybil to not only live her daily life, but eventually to graduate from college and have a successful career.
Its incredibly fascinating and awe-inspiring that the author can SO SUCCESSFULLY portray 16 people so uniquely and SPOT ON, that you really do think of them as individuals and separate characters.
Written beautifully. I literally missed my stop, a few times, while on the subway because I was so stuck in this book. Captivating, horrifying, and disturbing. I really feel like I learned something from this novel. About the practices of psychoanalysis, about this disease, and about what it would feel like to be so incredibly isolated yet find your way back. SO I guess its hopeful too! (but really I didn't really like the ending). Happy endings are so cliché.
The only REAL negative thing I can say about this novel, is that the author wrote herself into the book, and I HATE that. I mean, I fully understand that this is the account of a real person and the author actually knew her... but still!!! It seems so egotistical. Your name is on the spine, I think that is far more important than an character involved in the story. (Of course autobiographies and memoirs are exceptions... as that really defines them).
LOVED IT!

Grendel By: John Gardener

As someone who once SKIMMED through Beowulf, and found it intriguing and wonderful, but I was not very committed to the whole LANGUAGE of it at the time, this book was both amazing and extraordinarily hard to read.
I heard about this book from 1001 Books For Every Mood, and then happened to find it on my Christmas binge shopping. Now, I really did mean to read Beowulf first, but I did not :(
Grendel is probably the sweetest most misunderstood monster in the bunch. Seriously. His whole story is about him searching for kindness and acceptance. He searches at first for companionship and when Man turns against him, he searches for it in other forms and takes out his anger and pain on Hrothgar's kingdom. (justifiably I would say).
Grendel has this disgusting, pitiful mother who clings to him and is vile. He acknowledges this and breaks out frequently on his own while searching for his place in the meaninglessness of the world.
Its very touching as Grendel can't grasp why he doesn't belong, and why he is so despicable to others. I strongly recommend it, though heads up! Its hard to follow at times. I had to reread chapters several times to understand the plot flow.

The Maze Runner By: James Dashner

This book is the perfect example of why I NEED to actually purchase a book before I read it.
I borrowed this book from my coworker, even though I was in the middle of, not just one, but TWO books. Naturally, you stop what you are doing to read said borrowed book before it becomes lost, broken, or they ask for it back.
I have a weakness for young adult series such as this. I powered through this book and instantly regretted it.
This book was AMAZING. It was fast paced without being confusing, and in some weird twisted way, actually sort of believable! (and by that I mean the plot). Similar in many aspects to The Hunger Games, I felt that the Maze Runner really brought a different aspect to the whole "post apocalyptic kids in chaos" trend that seems to be happening.
Thomas is a really intriguing character. It is hinted from the get-go that he may know insider knowledge behind what is going on with the maze and what it all could mean, though you really see him develop from a newbie to a leader of the group. He is one of those guys who gets shit done, but you would probably hate if you met in real life.
I don't want to give away the plot but it literally left me hanging at the edge of my seat and I was mildly disturbed by the freaky-ass grievers. (which is an awesome name for them).
Now, as always, the quest to track down the second book. Well, I guess even the first one as I really need to reread it before I embark on The Scorch Trials.

Legally Blonde By: Amanda Brown

Great movie: horrible book.

I picked up this book because I was intrigued. The rule of thumb, of course, is that the book is better than the movie, and in this case: SO NOT TRUE!

You have all seen the movie: You know the plot. Blonde girl goes to Harvard Law School to impress her exboyfriend but discovers, she kind of rocks at it. And it is great and hilarious along the way.

They book: Same story but NOT FUNNY, not even a chuckle, and far more….  Dumb.

Elle is so much more intelligent in the movie, and far more BLONDE in the book, her career is to open a blonde representative legal company. (Most likely worded that wrong.)

It’s so stupid. I wish I could go back and un-waste 3 days on this book.