Legally Blonde By: Amanda Brown

Great movie: horrible book.

I picked up this book because I was intrigued. The rule of thumb, of course, is that the book is better than the movie, and in this case: SO NOT TRUE!

You have all seen the movie: You know the plot. Blonde girl goes to Harvard Law School to impress her exboyfriend but discovers, she kind of rocks at it. And it is great and hilarious along the way.

They book: Same story but NOT FUNNY, not even a chuckle, and far more….  Dumb.

Elle is so much more intelligent in the movie, and far more BLONDE in the book, her career is to open a blonde representative legal company. (Most likely worded that wrong.)

It’s so stupid. I wish I could go back and un-waste 3 days on this book.

This Lullaby By: Sarah Dessen

Rereading this book as a 23 year old (as opposed to a 16 year old) makes a world of difference. At 16, I could not get enough of Sarah Dessen’s novels. I read every single one I could get my hands on, including this one.

As an adult, I found this book strangely depressing. It’s not that it is a bad book, or even a boring book, it was the fact that at 16 I connected so much with the main character, Remy, and now, I see her as this pessimistic bitch.

She meets Dexter who is in every way the coolest guy ever and blows him off for about 6O% of the novel (collectively) and the other 40% treating him like this scumbag dude. When in actuality, he is everything that a gal can ask for in a guy. Her excuse, of course, being that love is a fleeting and unimportant substance that will come and go several times within your life. She is searching for the perfect man whom she can settle down and marry, though she is looking for anything but, so really she will never be happy.

Remy is callous and negative. Dexter is easy going and lives in the moment. Of course the whole book is saying how opposites attract and that you will find love in all the most unexpected of places, but SERIOUSLY?! Its literally in the last chapter that she realizes how cold she is and should take the risk and let him into her life. I HATE that. When the whole book is leading up to this (very expected) moment and then in the last 5 pages it happens and in this long distance/ half-assed sort of way. For once I would like a book to pick up where they actually get together and then see if it will work or not.

I really cannot get over how much of a snob she is, and how free flowing he is. (I need to find myself a Dexter, ha ha)

It’s the same as all the chick flicks we all love to watch and it ends with them falling and love and getting married (not that that is how this book ends at all) but what happens next? Do they actually have a happily ever after? Do they stay together but fight all the time? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!

All in all: your typical garden variety teen novel. Worth the read but not something you are to covet and yearn to read again.

Favorite Quote:

“Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It's a lie. It's just something that people say they'll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said ‘friendly' relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it's like breaking up all over again. But messier.”  

 

Under the Dome By: Stephen King

This damn book has been haunting me for years. Which is saying something as it is one of his more recent works, written around 2013. I picked up this book at the Littlerock Library (California guys, not Arkansas) and read probably 500 pages (and destroyed it) before I realized it was 2 weeks over due and had to return it. Around 6 months later I bought it at a thrift store in Lancaster (still California folks) for like, I don’t even know…2 dollars?, and then promptly lost it. FINALLY, I found a brand-spanking-new copy at the Community Thrift Store, here in San Francisco, and six months later, actually read it to its entirety. (and yet again, destroyed it)

As a 1076 page book, it is pretty intimidating. As is the majority of his work.

It’s always a wonderful feeling when you actually finish a book this large, but as with the other few Stephen Kings books I have read, I am always sad that they are over.

The book starts off with a horribly doomed flying lesson with Claudette Sanders behind the wheel, an ill-fated chipmunk and a beautiful fall day in Chester’s Mill, Maine. Within a few pages the plane has crashed, the poor chipmunk has been cut in half and the whole town has been sealed off by an invisible barrier.

Throughout the first few chapters, you are sent into a whirlwind of activity, ranging from horror to the fact that this town is inexplicably cut off from EVERYTHING, no importing, no exporting, no justice, to downright nauseating  factors such as Big Jim, the town’s second selectman/ tyrant and his gruesome son Rennie who is apparently into murder and necrophilia.

The whole book only takes place over a couple of weeks and it goes from bad, to horribly tragic. You follow all the characters (and as per Mr. King’s usual, there are DOZENS) on and off and follow through all the different coming and goings of the town as they deal with this horrible brute fo a tyrant and how they are all coping with the fact that they have no real doctors, a limited amount of supplies, support, and no options other than to take what they can and deal.

You get to know every single one of the characters in such an intimate way, you literally take a blow to the heart every time one (or all) of them are killed off. You get an overwhelming amount of religious decree from an overwhelming amount of characters and you see how the sensible ones (Barbie, Rose, and Julia) struggle to conserve everything from power to oxygen, and how the ridiculous-self-centered- egotistical ones (Big Jim, Rennie, THE ENTIRE POLICE FORCE) really just fuck the whole thing over and literally lead to a massacre.

An underlying reoccurrence of the book is this radiation and the affects it has on the townspeople. Majorly the young and elderly (of course), ranging from visions of terror about Halloween and terrors involving fires and scarecrows. Leading into the ONLY problem I have with this book.

As with all the other Stephen King books, I always find one aspect to just throw me off and make me cringe. In this case: Aliens. Which, don’t get me wrong. Totally gave me nightmares as did all the issues I had with other books, but really? I really thought it would be a government experiment and there would be this political corruption and punishment for the fact that they had the biggest meth lab on the eastern seaboard. But no, it’s the leatherfaces (as I believe they called them) and they are playing with what they feel is an imaginary world. (Totally reminds me of men in black and the whole galaxy hanging around the cat’s neck.)

Really makes you think about the fact that if this were to actually happen, and it’s not entirely implausible; what would you do? What would the people around you do? Would YOU be the next Big Jim??

It’s almost sad that I finished this book. It was one of the Mount Everest’s in my collection and, as with The Stand, I would love to reread it to fully grasp all the detail and small references that are made throughout the book, both to real world references and to other parts of the story. Definitely a GREAT read and one that I will one day conquer again.

Favorite Quote(s):

"Big Jim- "Take a good look, pal- this is what incompetency, false hope, and too much information gets you. They're just unhappy and disappointed now, but when they get over that, they'll be mad. We're gonna need more police."

 

The Virgin's Lover by: Philippa Gregory

As previously stated, I adore Philippa Gregory. I adore the whole genre, especially this series.
The very first page of this book picks up with the death of Queen Mary and the bells ringing announcing that Elizabeth shall now be the uncontested Queen. Throughout the previous books, you get to know Elizabeth as a fairly wild child/woman (14 years and you were a woman! Imagine that!) and has definitely inherited her father's ambition and recklessness as a Tudor.
Of course the Author herself states that a lot of the major points of this book (the intimacy of Robert Dudley and Elizabeth) are not founded in proof and very well may be the result of court gossip as well as some of the finer points of the story.
Throughout the novel you read from 4 different points of view. The Queens, Robert Dudley, his wife, Amy, and William Cecil, the queen's advisor. When Elizabeth comes to throne she has inherited a bankrupt and rebellious country and immediately is debating whether or not to marry, and if so, who.
*can I just point out that it is really distressing to read about how disregarded it is to have a single woman on the throne. I understand that it was far different in the 1500's and I GET that, its just, who needs a man when a woman can do the job on her own, just dandy. Of course you look at the politics nowadays and not only does it remain the same, but it down-right doesn't happen. I would say (for fuck's sake) let it happen and we shall see how it goes.*
Throughout the different points fo views you come to appreciate that Elizabeth does have nobility to her. It's not so much on the surface but is definitely in her blood. She (questionably) even frames her lover (Dudley) so that he would not come to throne for any reason, ever. Though she is raunchy and ill-tempered and, well, she acts her age. She is so perfectly portrayed as well. Philippa Gregory is one of those brilliant writers that can put you right there in the moment with the character and you feel like you are whispering encouragement in their ears, handing them advice. And when they fail, or succeed for that matter, you are besides yourself with glee/sorrow. Elizabeth for example, is a character that at moments you despise and just want to slap her, and others you just want to comfort and tell her, "Well, honey, you act a whore, you get treated like a whore." But you come to respect her.
Robert Dudley on the other hand.... He is the perfect example fo why men are so loathsome. One chapter you are reading about how his wife is just wanting a simple farm and her husband (who she ADORES) by her side and the next you are reading about how his ambition is all he cares about and how if it means he will have a spot in court he would even cast aside this woman who he has been married to for YEARS. Quite frankly, its disgusting. He is the definition of all the terrible things you read about of the men in court back then. And even though I loathe to admit it, he kind of still makes you want to bat your eyelashes at him. A natural charmer. Though still a total a**hole.
Meanwhile, you are reading from the point of view of William Cecil and by golly he should have been king. He does everything for his country. He can manipulate the queen, typically with her own ego, and have her do what is best for the country. For the upstanding of the morale of the country and teaches her how to be a queen without her idea of what is going on. You really get behind him and just want to crown him yourself and then see what a difference it would have made to the history of the country.
I want to (and eventually will) reread this entire series and just revel in all the brilliance of the life of court in the 1500's. Don't get me wrong, I would LOATHE it, but you have to admit... sounds fabulous.

Favorite Quote:
“The truth is the last thing that matters,' she said. 'And you can believe one thing of the truth and me: I keep it well hidden, inside my heart.”  

Ender in Exile by: Orson Scott Card

NOTE: This book is written to take place between Ender's game and Speaker for the Dead, but was written much later, in 2008 in fact. It also takes place during the firs three novels of the Speaker trilogy and can be considered a parallel novel. AKA: I don't know if I read these in order.

After reading Ender's game as an adult(which EVERYONE should read as a young adult) and LOVED it. It's intelligent and thought-provoking, cause these are kids! Kids going off to fight a war against weird alien creatures. And I just ate that book up, absorbed every phrase and war tactic and was pissed when it was over, just because it was so damn good and I could not wait till I read the next one.
Of course it took me around a year to get a hold of the second book (Ender in Exile) (though I was just reading that there are several stories that were written interim. Bummer.) and when finally getting a chance to read it I was sorely disappointed.
The first book was so jam packed with action and wit and this book was DULL. It was honestly a chore to read, which is hard for me to even say because its not that it wasn't well written, it was the fact that NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED!! Except they traveled through space. a lot. Ender proved that a kid can outwit adults. A LOT.
I mean you read one chapter, you read them all.
I guess that's not entirely fair, at one point (when they finally stop traveling) he meets his old friend's, Bean, son and convinces him to beat the shit out of him to prove that he was lied to about his heritage and that he is, in fact, a good person.
Oh and they find the cocoon (?) of the last of the bugger queens. And he is just going to travel the known worlds until he can find some far and distant place for them to recolonize cause he feels so damn guilty about destroying them.
Essentially this book deals with that: Ender's guilt. And for a character to be portrayed so ENTIRELY as a complex adult like character, it actually makes you realize that he is in fact still a child. A stubborn semi-jackass of a child, but a child nonetheless.
AND in the middle of all of this boringness/ well written stasis, is the whole conflict of the older brother Peter, whom in book 1, was a total evil maniacal little bitch, and now is like running the earth in a way and is actually a good person with a family and all that. I believe that was thrown into try and have Ender turn into a settling down kind of person/one who will learn to forget or move on from the past, but, in honesty, it seemed a half assed attempt.

SIDE NOTE: I am really kind of peeved about the whole way that this series was written and am generally confused about the order in which to read them. I keep trying to figure it out and a lot of sites say to read it in the published order as that will make the more sense as to the others original thought process (etc. etc...) but other sites will say in order of the chronology of the story and others say the same thing but give it a different order! HELP!!

I almost don't want to read the next one.

Favorite Quote:
 “It is easy to say that you can adopt the whole human race as your children, but it is not the same as living in a home with a child and shaping all you do to help him learn to be happy and whole and good. Don't live your life without ever holding a child in your arms, on your lap, in your home, and feeling a child's arms around you and hearing his voice in your ear and seeing his smile, given to you because you put it into your heart.”  

Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

Ah. I'm so fucking pissed at myself for not reading this book before now. I mean we ALL have at least heard of this book, and always in a great context. Well, let me tell you now, its great.
You would think that this book would be super sad and heartbreaking but in reality its really grounded and eye-opening. As I am sure you are aware, this book is a memoir about a young man (the author) and his college professor who is dying of ALS or Lou Gehrig's Disease. Which, if you know nothing about it, its a disease where the motor neurons in your brain diminish and eventually die off leaving you without function of your body and eventually even your breathing. It is a long, slow, miserable way to die.
Now, as a professor of sociology, Morrie, decides to embrace this time to listen and give advice to his students, friends and families. Essentially to revel in life before he is gone. Easier said than done my friend. The author comes to visit him after seeing him on a network interview and they reconnect after 15 years of no contact, and easily slip into meeting every Tuesday for their conversations. Morrie has Mitch write down a list of topics that we the people struggle with on a daily basis and how we can tackle these issues to live a full life.
These topics were: death, fear, aging, greed, marriage, family, society, forgiveness, and a meaningful life.
I hope that you were like me, scanning the list and agreeing that these are indeed the issues you grapple with the most.
As Morrie's health slowly deteriorates, the professor and student continue to meet every Tuesday to discuss a topic. Each chapter they discuss one and how to handle the issue and come to terms with it in your everyday life. The thing that impressed me the most about this book is how it is so straight forward WITHOUT being preachy, which is an incredibly hard thing to manage.
For example: When discussing death, Morrie explains that everybody knows that they are going to die, but nobody accepts it. If they did accept it they would do things differently, live more in the moment, appreciate life a hell of a lot more. I cant convey it the same way without just quoting the whole damn book but its very beautiful, blunt, and honest.
SIDE NOTE: I wonder why they do not have us read this book in school, at a pivotal age in our lives but instead have us read such CRAP as The Great Gatsby. (sorry Ms. Messadieh but, oh my word, that book SUCKED).

To learn more about ALS go to: http://www.alsa.org/about-als/what-is-als.html

Favorite Quote:
“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”  

Eat, Pray, Love by: Elizabeth Gilbert

Normally I have a zero tolerance towards anything that even borders on self-help book, and no matter how you perceive it, this book is definitely self-help, well self-meditation is more accurate (though that is essentially the same thing.) But this book BLEW MY MIND.
I have been focusing on books lately that inspire movies that I either love or movies that I really want to see, and let me tell you: read the books first!!! (duh.)
Eat Pray Love was HUGE a few years back when the movie came out (as I am sure you know) and I really wanted to see it but I am really glad I waited all these years so I could read the book first. This book is technically a memoir, but it reads more as a guideline on how to get your shit together. Essentially: Drop everything and go travel for a year. (Hear hear!)
Now of course there is so much more to it than that. The Author (Elizabeth Gilbert.. or Liz) spends a year of her life living in Italy, India, and finally Indonesia. In Italy she indulges in all pleasures, well besides the sexual kind. She binge eats, learns the beautiful language of Italian, and essentially does what she wants, when she wants. Sounds like a plan to me! I actually enjoyed this section of the book best. (mainly because the other 2 sections were all about religion and spirituality and that just is NOT my style), but as she describes her ordeal with this terrible divorce she is going through and splitting up with David (her post marriage hottie) she really describes this time as finding herself again and being independent. It was very inspiring and VERY well said.
Next is India, where she spends four months meditating. She spends a majority of her time at an Ashram in the rural area and meditates. And Meditates. And Meditates. Seriously. Its rather a dull section. (though of course she gets all in touch with herself and all that CRAP.) It really actually puts me off of meditating to be quite frank. All she writes is how it dredges up all your hurt and pain and insecurities, but then, ALAS! The golden light at the end.
Or whatever.
In Bali, she searches for balance been human desires (everything she indulged in while in Italy), and "divine transcendence." She spends much of her time helping a local young man learning English and becomes friends with an herb woman and her family. She relaxes, meditates, reads. I would go absolutely mental after a week.
But in the end she has rediscovered herself. Found a new man. Got her life in order. Looking back on this book I find I don't remember much of the plot (I had to keep re reading sections of the book just to write this) but I distinctly remember getting home after work, reading this book and falling asleep with it on my chest because I just COULD NOT put it down. Even now I think of this book and I am inspired. Maybe I should do something drastic in my life. Maybe I should travel to some exotic place and just indulge in life every once in a while. And yes. We all SHOULD. But where do we draw the line between indulgence, and gluttony?
Favorite Quote:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”